FLAGSHIP · #001
FLAGSHIP FIGURE · #001
BOB STONE
“Small Sign Energy… Big Dreams” — Woke. Angry. Well Hydrated.
- 🪧 Protest sign (“WOKE” with rainbow)
- 🥒 Organic cucumber of accountability
- 💧 “Stay Woke” hydration bottle
- 📕 “How To Cancel Culture” guidebook
- 🐔 Emotional-support rubber chicken
Parody collectible. All accessories plastic. No actual activism included.
SERIES 1 IN PICTURES
THE FULL LINEUP
32 deeply unserious figures · every box stamped AGES 14+ · Pre-Order: payment by advance transfer (bank / PayPal Friends / crypto) · ships after production
💥 BUNDLES — MEHR PLASTIK, WENIGER PREIS
So geht's: 1-Klick-Button drücken → alle drei landen im Warenkorb → Bundle-Code ins Notizfeld → Pre-Order absenden. Wir bestätigen den Rabatt per E-Mail vor der Vorkasse-Zahlung. Komplette 17-Figure-Sammlung auf Anfrage — Sammlerpreis per E-Mail.
QUESTIONS NOBODY ASKED
Is this real activism?
No. It’s plastic satire. Touch grass, then buy a figure.
How is my order shipped? (Trust & Versand)
Insured parcel with tracking: DE €4.95 (free over €75), EU €6.95 (free over €120). Every figure ships in a protective blister + outer box after production; tracking arrives by e-mail. 30-day returns on unopened figures — write to orders@woketoys.duckdns.org with your order number (WT-…).
How does Pre-Order payment work?
By advance payment (Vorkasse): bank transfer, PayPal Friends, or crypto. You submit the order form, we confirm by e-mail with the payment details, and your figures ship after production.
When will my figures ship?
After production is finished. We confirm your order by e-mail and notify you as soon as your parcel is on its way.
Who is Woke Bob?
A bomb with googly eyes and big cancellation energy. Fictional. Obviously.
Is the Cancel Draft real?
The votes are. The cancellation is not. We keep the satire, you keep the plastic.
Why ages 14+?
Because the jokes need a fully developed eye-roll muscle.
📍 Track your order (Bestellung verfolgen)
Deine Pre-Order-Nummer (WT-YYYYMMDD-XXXX) eintragen — wir sagen, ob sie bei uns eingegangen ist. Kein Carrier-Tracking, noch kein Plastik unterwegs: Status heißt "received".
SATIRE COLLECTOR'S GUIDE: HOW TO START (AND FINISH) YOUR SHELF OF SHAME
Every great satire collection starts with a single bad decision — and ours starts with BOB STONE, the Flagship Blister Pack. If you only buy one piece of plastic commentary on modern discourse, make it the flagship: it anchors the whole 31-figure Cancel Culture Collection and looks magnificent next to books you never finished reading.
Step 1: Pick your starter trio. New collectors usually grab WOKE BOB (the icon), KAREN CANNON (the conversation starter), and DOOMSCROLL DANA (the mirror). Three figures, one shelf, instant personality diagnosis for every guest who enters your living room.
Step 2: Understand the tiers. Common outrage (Hashtag Hank, Petition Pete) trades at entry prices and makes perfect gifts for people you follow but don't respect. Mid-tier sanctimony (Censor Sue, Trigger Tess, Virtue Vic) holds display value. Grails — Bob Stone and Council Chad — are the ones future collectors will fight over at estate sales.
Step 3: Display like you mean it. Satirical collectibles hate dark boxes. Line them up facing your front door so visitors are judged on entry. Mint-in-blister stays sealed; loose figures go in battle poses on your desk, ideally photobombing your video calls. Rotate seasonally: Boycott Betty for boycott season (always), Protest Pam for election years (also always).
Step 4: Gift strategically. Nothing ends a family debate faster than handing out MANSPLAIN MIKES at Thanksgiving. Each figure ships after production on pre-order terms — order early, because moral panics wait for no one. And if your shelf fills up, remember the collector's golden rule: a complete 31-figure set displayed together is worth more — in smugness, if not in dollars — than any single grail alone. Ages 14+, irony required, sincerity strictly optional. Full lineup below — scroll, judge, pre-order.
📸 SPOTTED IN THE WILD — FIELD REPORTS (ALL TRUE IN AT LEAST 3 PARALLAX UNIVERSES)
Owners refuse to display their figures the intended way. We document. We judge. We catalogue.
💰 CROWDFUND THE CHAOS — TIERED ABSURDITY
Every pre-order, crypto payment, and donation pushes the meter. When a tier unlocks, we actually do the thing. No refunds. No take-backs. Lawyer consultation included.
$0 / $25,000
🎯 WHO SPOTTED BOB? — THE BOB STONE BOUNTY
BOB STONE is real. He walks among us. Photographic proof = reward. We don't verify. We just pay.
Photo with BOB STONE in the wild
Selfie or candid. Bob must be clearly visible (blister pack or loose). Timestamp + GPS metadata intact.
Verified sighting report
You didn't get the photo but you saw him. Location, date, time, what he was doing (hydrating, protesting, judging your lawn). Two independent witnesses = verified.
Credible tip that leads to confirmation
Your friend's cousin's HOA president saw Bob at a city council meeting. If we verify, you get the finder's fee.
Submit your evidence
🚫 CANCEL DRAFT 2025 — COMMUNITY VOTE, CANCELLATION PENDING (GARANTIERT: KEINE)
The community picks one figure to cancel. The votes are real, the cancellation is not. Click CANCEL to cast your verdict — one vote per browser per figure, 60 s auto-refresh. Ein Klick, ein Urteil, ein bisschen Plastik.
Votes werden geladen …
⚠ Cancellation: 0. Figures remaining: all of them. Satire is eternal, plastic is forever.
💸 SUPPORT & DONATIONS — FIGS THE LINE, LAUGHS THE LAWYERS
Donations fund the satire (and the lawyers' emotional support chicken). Any amount, any coin, zero sincerity. Donations are not pre-orders — no figures, no tracking, only your goodwill and our respect.
Betrag frei wählbar — Voucher: 0. Größen: unten. Verwendungszweck: beliebig, satirisch bevorzugt.
DONATION-TIER JOKES (unverbindlich)
| $10 | Concern Troll — du darfst Bescheid wissen. |
| $25 | Heckler — du darfst Bescheid wissen und nicken. |
| $100 | Board Observer — du darfst Bescheid wissen, nicken und ein Meeting verpassen. |
| $1000 | Apologize to Our Lawyers — unsere Anwälte entschuldigen sich bei dir. Du bekommst ein Bild. |
🔎 CRYPTO-CHECK — TX EINTRAGEN
Nach dem Krypto-Transfer: TX-ID + (falls vorhanden) Bestellnummer eintragen. Wir loggen und bestätigen. Kein Chain-Explorer-Scraping — wir loggen und nicken.
💡 Krypto-Bestellung? Code CRYPTO5 (extra 5 %) ins Notizfeld der Pre-Order — dort steht auch, wo du die TX-ID uns hin gibst.